beauty inside and out.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Tossed About

I want to blog about how I enjoyed snuggling under my blanket and drinking hot chocolate but my weekend was not fun. I did not get much sleep yesterday. I was jolted awake at 2:00 in the morning by the strong winds. I heard howling outside. I sat up in bed and realized that the electricity was out. I went back to sleep and woke up again because I felt cool air coming from the fan. The electricity was back. I heard sounds coming from my parents' room and realized that they were awake. I heard them talking so I went to their bedroom. My mom told me that a ship was in trouble near Romblon. They've lost contact the night before. I went back to bed, sat up and ended up in tears. I felt cold all over. I felt transported to that night I thought I would die at the age of 12.

***

My parents allowed me to spend a week's worth of my summer vacation in Antique. My two aunts, Imelda and Analyn and my uncle were going home. I readily agreed since I'm pretty close to my aunts. I didn't mind having them for company. I enjoyed my time there. That was the time I lost my balance while walking along the rice paddies and I fell right into the muddy water. On the way home from the farm, I slipped down a muddy path leading to a river hidden by old trees. My aunt who was holding my hand ended up in a puddle with me so we went home all muddy. It was in the middle of May and the rainy season was starting. It poured every afternoon and my cousins would run out to take a bath in the streets with friends. On a rather sunny day, we commuted to a beach about an hour or two away from our town. I saw our old pictures in my grandparents' house last March.

I was pretty sad when we had to leave. My lola burst into tears before we boarded the jeepney going to San Jose and I sobbed all throughout until we got to the river leading out of Valderrama. We already heard the news that there was a typhoon. It didn't hit Panay Island directly but it brought about heavy rains. I felt wary about leaving. I was talking my aunts into staying for another day. They told me that it was perfectly safe to travel back to Manila. We ended up crossing the river by jeepney. It felt just like an adventure. I saw the wide expanse of the river where streams of water kept rushing past and we ambled our way to the other side. I did feel a bit scared of water flooding the river and bouncing us from our town to the sea. Nevertheless, I enjoyed my time traveling from one town to another. The ship was set to leave by lunch time so we stopped over my Kuya Warren's house. Though related to my cousin only through my parents' marriage, my aunts have a good relationship with him because they stayed in their house when they were in secondary school in San Jose. Kuya Warren introduced me to Ate Joy and we spent the whole morning in their house. Before going back to Kuya's house, we stopped by a store where he bought me two canisters of PikNik. After eating lunch, Kuya drove us to the pier. People were milling around the place seeing relatives and friends off. It's pretty much the port you see in Tagalog movies where kids jump into the water when you throw coins. You see coconut trees and houses dotting the coastline. The ships that ply the Manila-Antique route are small in size. They cannot match the ones going to Cebu or Iloilo. A lot of people were traveling back to Manila including Kuya's cousin on his mother's side who he introduced to us. My aunt Analyn warmed up to him so they spent the whole time talking. I was telling my aunts to just leave the next day because the skies were dark. Kuya took my side because he wanted me to stay so we could drive around town. My aunts put their foot down. We were leaving for Manila because it was safe to go. We traveled economy and we ended up on those folding beds placed on the sides because the double-deck beds were already occupied by people. Fine by me because I was busy being sad about the departure. I didn't really care where I slept. The pathetic thing about it was that the beds were placed opposite the bathroom doors. That was okay with me because I love going to the washrooms anyway. I remember looking wistfully out the balcony at the people and the place. I love my province to death no matter how poor it is. Kuya stood there waving and smiling at us. I waved back at him but I was controlling the tears from falling. I felt really depressed about leaving. When the people were just tiny dots in the distance, I settled in my bed and nibbled on a canister of PikNik. My aunt Imelda decided to lie down because traveling by sea made her sick. My aunt Analyn was somewhere with Kuya's cousin.

It wasn't raining. The sea was calm. I was quiet all throughout. I wanted to get home to my brothers because I had stories to tell. Before the sun set, we got to another pier which I later found out was in Culasi, Antique. We spent about 30 minutes to an hour there. I remember the orangey sky, the setting sun and the calm sea. Our beds were by the balcony so it was not hard to look out. A few minutes after departing Culasi, there were no stars in the sky. I heard rumbling from a distance. How could the weather change that fast? The rains just started coming down. The men brought the 'trapal' down so we wouldn't get wet. My aunt Imelda took a Bonamine tablet and went to bed. The ship started to pitch violently. I wanted to go up to the captain's cabin and beg him to go back to Culasi where the sea was calm and where we would be a lot safer.

We didn't go back. I remember seeing my aunt Imelda sitting up and almost puking her guts out. She barfed the Bonamine tablet out. She filled my empty canister of PikNik with vomit. It felt like eternity. The ship would tilt to the left and I would hold my breath thinking whether it would completely capsize. I would only start breathing normally when it would tilt back to the right then I knew that it was rolling along with the waves. I could hear the waves roaring outside and the rains lashing hard against the 'trapal'. I felt woozy but I didn't puke. Unfortunately, a lot of people ended up puking in the bathroom. The floors were filled with vomit and they made their way near our beds. It was disgusting, terrifying and shocking. You don’t feel icky when you're in the middle of the sea on a stormy night being tossed about by the waves. You won't even have the strength to complain about several discomforts. It was a nightmare. I couldn't cry because that would look like I was confronting the possibility of death. I knew it was dark outside and the ship was just a speck in the sea. I didn't know where we were but I was sure we were far away from Manila. We just left Antique a few hours ago. My aunt Analyn and Kuya's cousin arrived from the upper level of the ship. They sat on my aunt's bed and talked. My aunt told me to lie down. My aunt Imelda was pale at that time because of motion sickness and I didn't want to add to her troubles so I stayed put. I heard people puking inside the bathroom. Only a few walked around and it wasn't because they were socializing.

I didn't know how long I had my eyes closed before I heard the voice from the speakers. Somebody was already praying the Hail Mary. It was a recording but I felt so terrified. Why do we need to pray? Are we going to die? Is there a strong possibility that we need to jump off the ship into the dark waves? Those were the thoughts that crept into my mind. No tears came. I only prayed a short prayer that begged God to please make me get to Manila alive because I wanted to see my brothers. I was only 12 years old. I didn't know how to swim. I didn't know what to do with our stuff. Only a 'trapal' separated me from the sea. After a few hours of panic and fright, we got to Manila. I am still alive but I now have a habit of staring at the how the waves hit the sides of the ship whenever we travel by sea. I try to get over the trauma by looking at the water for a long, long time. You'll know if the water is deep when you can't see the bottom of the sea. The water no matter how calm and clean would look really dark.

***

Now that another ship has gone down and the 28 survivors so far have been found in a coastal town in Quezon 5-6 hours away from where it sunk in Romblon, wouldn't you be traumatized? It was heartbreaking when I heard one survivor relate how he jumped off the ship and 'naiwan yung mga matatanda'.

I want to slap that Coast Guard official silly when he told GMA during a phone conversation that the ship was allowed to leave the port because it was Signal # 1 in Manila. Punyeta! Signal # 1 sa Manila pero sa Visayas Signal # 3. My god. The ship was going to Cebu. How stupid can you people get?! Dapat siya ang hinagis dun sa dagat para hampasin ng alon. Grrr...

feistylittle bitch
4:51 PM

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Frank Is A Bad, Bad Boy

Typhoon Frank ravaged my province and hit my town, Valderrama directly. I couldn't contact my grandparents' cellphone number. My aunt informed my mom via text yesterday that they couldn't leave the house because of the strong winds and rain. About four people died because of the flash flood in our town. The number of deaths comes up to nine when you include the towns of San Remigio and San Jose de Buenavista (where my aunt and uncle in my dad's side live).

If this wide river gets flooded then you're just stuck in town. I guess that's their predicament now.

In Mindoro, our piggies are in for a dip. The caretaker told my dad that the flood is slowly creeping up to the pigpens. Poor piggies.

feistylittle bitch
4:41 PM

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

The Windows To My Soul

I've always taken good care of my eyes since my paternal grandmother lost her eyesight a few years before she died. It has always been my fear to not be able to see things around me. As a kid, I entertained myself all throughout my travels to and from school (Cavite to Makati), by reading signs all around me. I mastered the places from Dasma to Makati because of that. Imagine my fright at seeing a lump on my eyelid while applying powder on my face last Sunday.

It was the usual weekend. After a visit to the dentist the day before, Augy and I stuffed ourselves with food in Max's along Quezon Avenue. We then checked into the Great Eastern Hotel where I napped for a few hours before waking up to go grocery-shopping in Landmark. After buying water and food, we walked around Trinoma before going back to the hotel. We watched tv and ate a lot. Augy snacked on Mexican-style peanuts and chicharon while I ate chocolate ensaymada and Milkiway from Bread Talk. The next day, we ordered rice and sisig and slept until it was an hour before checkout. After dressing up, I proceeded to apply powder on my face. I noticed a lump on my upper eyelid. I touched it and felt a hard, small marble-like thing right smack on my eyelid. I felt chills up and down my spine. It was painless really. You wouldn't even notice it unless I close my eye. I asked Augy to take a look and he told me to see a doctor once I get home. I was already imagining things. Like how many months I would stay alive and stuff. Hehe.

Unfortunately, it rained hard once I got off the bus in Golden City. My umbrella got all tangled while I battled the strong wind and rain. Once I boarded a jeepney to my village, I was bit soaked. I sent a message to my mom asking her to inform Erwin to fetch me in the grocery store outside our village. My mom and Kit were in the mall buying stuff for his swimming class so I had to call Gem so he can ask Erwin to bring my umbrella and Havaianas with me. My brand new gray sandals are too beautiful to use for traipsing on mud and rain water. When Erwin got to the commercial complex where I sought shelter, he only brought an umbrella. I admit it was mean for me to insist on him going back home to get my flipflops but that is just what he did. With thunder and lightning making a racket and the rain pouring down like there was no tomorrow, Erwin and I walked home. He brought a sturdy umbrella for me but I still got wet. Once I entered the safety and warmth of the living room, I told my grandma about the lump. She told me it was kuliti' or stye. I told her it wasn't a stye. Gem checked on it and told me that it looked similar to the bacterial infection that his classmate had. It got cured by hot compress and medication.

The minute Kit and my mom arrived from the mall, I showed her the lump. She told me to see a doctor the next day. My dad was still in Quezon so nobody can drive me to the hospital that afternoon. After getting soaked, I didn’t want to venture outside.

I woke up at 5:00 the next day. I ate a filling breakfast and took a cold bath before leaving the house with Gem. He got down near the entrance for the students since they're not allowed to enter the hospital area early in the morning. I went to the bulletin board with the names of the doctors listed and their room numbers. I entered the wrong clinic so the secretary pointed me out to the ophthalmologist's clinic next door. I found myself waiting for Dr. Capili's secretary to get there. She arrived at 9:30 am. I was there as early as 7:30. Bummer. I had my name listed. I was patient number 5. I went to the washroom and bought bottled water in the canteen before going back to the clinic. There were so many people waiting for doctors in the hallway. Some had to stand up because the seats were all filled. When my name got called, I entered the room and told the doctor about my woes. He checked my eyesight first because I told him that I wanted to wear eyeglasses then he looked at the lump. He told me he had to operate on it. The lump was a cyst. A chalazion caused by the inflammation of meibomian glands. I was shocked. I asked him when I need to have the operation and how much I had to spend. I went there alone and I only had three thousand bucks with me. He told me that it would cost 1, 500. I agreed to have it removed. He told me that we don't need to cover it with a patch and everything would be okay in minutes. He played soothing music and told me to lie down on the bed. He put two drops of this cool liquid that was supposed to numb my eyelids so I wouldn't feel too much pain. He put a clamp on my left eyelid and got ready for the operation. I could hear him moving near me preparing the apparatus and whatever he needed to remove the cyst. I placed my hands on my tummy and took a deep breath. I was thinking that it couldn't be worse than having my face injected because of acne. I felt so scared because I knew it would be painful. I felt him poke on my eyelid and scrape it. It took less than 10 minutes but it was frightening. I almost had the urge to hold the secretary's hand because she was standing near me. The doctor placed a thick ball of tissue on my eye after he instructed me to close it. I felt tears flowing from my eyes. I sat up but he told me to lie down for a few minutes. He removed the tissue and replaced it with another wad, he asked me to hold on to it and stand up. He asked me to look at my eye in the mirror. I saw that my eyelid was red but there was no lump. He said the cyst was spreading because my pores were clogged. I don't put on makeup so I was wondering if it was because of the powder. I saw blood on the tissue and I felt faint. I could hardly understand his instructions about putting antibiotics on my eye. I even forgot to get a medical certificate. I was broke when I left the clinic. I had a pair of eyeglasses made so that reading would be a lot easier. I'd get it in a few days. The pain was too much for me. It felt like somebody just poked my eye with a pencil and it hurt when I blinked. I almost bumped into an old woman in a wheelchair while walking down the hall. I went straight to the pharmacy but they didn't have the eyedrops there. I had to take the jeepney to the Mercury Drug branch in front of Waltermart. I thought of going home and asking Erwin to buy it for me but it was a waste of money and I was already broke. Thank heavens, I had enough left for the antibiotics, Tobramycin and a bag of Kornets.

I took this picture an hour before my minor operation. See my left eyelid? You won't notice the lump at all.

I asked Erwin to put antibiotics on my eye when I got home. I stayed home for two days lest it gets exposed to dust and gets infected. I just felt relieved because it was just a minor operation and my condition wasn't serious. All I have is excitement for my new eyeglasses. Haha!

feistylittle bitch
5:49 PM