beauty inside and out.

Friday, February 29, 2008

The Ties That Bind

Early this month, my aunt Imelda who resides and works in Palau with her husband, her son and our other relatives decided to go through a medical checkup in Manila because of a cough that just wouldn't go away. To her shock, her OB-Gyne in UST informed her that she has a suspicious lump near her breast that could be malignant. It was a routine checkup that left her in tears. She went to another doctor for a second opinion and was given the same answer. We were flabbergasted because it wasn't even the reason why she went here in the first place. She decided to undergo an operation. Thankfully, the lump was not malignant. Hurray!

A few days after she went under the knife, my parents picked her and her son, EJ up from my aunt Analyn's house in Montalban. We asked her to stay with us for the weekend so she could rest since having Quincy and Jeof wouldn't give her the peace and quiet she needs. Quin, the naughty kid that she is would pick on EJ when she feels like it.

I woke up on Saturday afternoon because of my lola's gentle prodding. I was surprised to find her and EJ looking at me. I had to get up and greet my aunt. She told me that Jeof bit EJ twice on each arm. Poor kid. He is really well-behaved. We enjoyed every moment with him because he would smile a lot and he would listen to what we would tell him. It was a great bonding moment for all of us.

The next day, while we were in the dining room talking, my aunt's cellphone rang. I was surprised when I heard that it was my aunt Analyn on the other line. My aunt told her younger sister to stop crying because she couldn't understand a word she was saying. She told her that my mom will call her using our landline. My mom dialed my aunt's number and gave the phone receiver to my aunt Imelda. I heard her say something about my lolo. My eyes were brimming with tears because I was anticipating something horrible. It was the first time that my aunt called us crying. Nanay Mameng, my lolo's younger sister was already sobbing. I went to the kitchen and dried my eyes. I had to get away to stop the tears from flowing. I heard my aunt tell the rest of the family that my lolo suffered a stroke the night before and was rushed to the local hospital early that morning. It was a shock to all of us.

She decided to pack her and EJ's stuff and go back to Montalban so they could travel to Antique with my aunt Analyn the next day. My dad was all packed and ready to leave for Pangasinan on that day. My mom told my dad to go home in four days time in case my lolo's condition worsens. They would take a flight to Iloilo and travel by land to Antique. My mom called my lola's cellphone number and asked my cousin to bring the phone to the doctor who was looking after my lolo so she could get an idea on his real condition. He was feverish at that time and could no longer talk. He could not move the right half of his body. My mom told us that my lolo will be transferred to the provincial hospital in San Jose (the province's capital) since the medicine in the local hospital was not sufficient. In a few hours, we were able to confirm with my uncle's wife that they were in the emergency room in the provincial hospital. My mom spent an hour looking for an available cardiologist who would check into my lolo's condition. Our relative who is a doctor himself was already assigned to another hospital and we didn't know his number so my mom couldn't get a recommendation from him. Good thing, we found a cardiologist who would look after him. We're talking about a province in Panay Island. So you can understand our anxiety.

Yesterday, my lolo was brought to Iloilo for a CT Scan. Fortunately, no blood clots were found. He is conscious and responds to family members when spoken to. My uncle's wife was crying when my lola spoke to her on the phone. She said my lolo would cry a lot. Writing this makes me cry too. I haven't seen my lolo for a few years now. I think the last time was during my aunt Analyn's wedding about seven years ago.

My aunt Imelda told us the night before we found out about the sad news that my lolo would become teary-eyed when he sees my brothers.

"Ang laki mo na (referring to Kit). Maluluha lolo mo pag nakita ka."

The first and last time my brothers went to Antique was 13 years ago. Gem was just learning how to read then. I just graduated from the sixth grade and we all went home for a one-week vacation. The last time I visited my grandparents was 10 years ago. We were planning to go home this year with my aunt Imelda, EJ, my aunt Analyn and her family. Our plans went awry because of my aunt Imelda's operation and my lolo's condition. My two aunts are in Antique now.

How did this affect me? I'm waiting for my start date in another company. I have to contact the HR personnel and ask for my start date because I need to go home to Antique with my whole family next month. I have to beg them to move it if it concides with my departure. We will be there for the Holy Week since that will be the only time that our schedules would allow us to go together. Yes, I will be a bum. My family's all for it because we are desperate to go home. I can always find another job but I not another lolo. I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown real soon. All this worrying makes my head ache. I hope everything turns out well. For now, we are thankful that my lolo's condition is stable and hopefully all we need to worry about in the future are medicines and therapy.

***

I'm starting to cough. No phlegm, just this itchy feeling in my throat. When I cough, the pain sears my chest. I am allergic to dust. Cement kills me slowly. When I was in first year college and a part of our house was under construction, I was exposed to cement every afternoon when I come home from school. One day, I started coughing and wheezing. I had to call my mom so she could buy me a bottle of Ventolin. Later that night, I was burning with fever. I was sick for a week. The problem I have now is the bridge near our village which is under construction. I have to cross the river through a temporary bridge every night and I have to endure the dust. I hope I survive a few months of hell.

feistylittle bitch
11:41 AM

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Horror

This morning, I saw a woman hanging lifeless from the branch of a tree in an abandoned lot in Imus. She looked like a child's rag doll swinging as the wind blew. I want to write about it but I still feel shaken by what I saw.

feistylittle bitch
11:35 AM

Monday, February 18, 2008

The Good and The Bad

After finding out that I passed the final interview for a job that would take me closer to home, my parents encouraged me to go back to school. I am glad that they believe in my abilities and they fully support me in my endeavors. If I was not able to do it 5 years ago, I will not let anybody stop me now. I am determined to fulfill my childhood dream and make my parents proud. I am excited about studying again (clasping hands with glee). I will take a few units first to test the waters. Sigh, what a beautiful year this is.

Since I'll be reaching out for my dream, I've been pushing Abbie to write. I promised her that I would help, even going to the restos with her and bringing Augy along. It's time that she writes. She really writes well and I want her to finally kick ass.

***

Amidst the hullabaloo that is happening in my village, my family has remained oblivious to everything. A petition against my weird neighbor a.k.a my dad's mortal enemy is being distributed around. With all the wrongdoings, I guess one will get his fair share of bad karma. We just chuckled about it and went back to our daily lives. Funny how they might think that my dad is one of the complainants' advisers when he's really having the time of his life in Infanta, Quezon for a week now. My family has always been scrutinized and criticized in this street full of social climbers and posers. We have remained quiet in the middle of all the gossips.

One thing I learned from my parents is putting great value on a good name. We're not into comparing ourselves with our neighbors like how many vehicles we have or how big our house is. We do not intend to live flashy lives or to compete with others. I've always competed with myself and nobody else. I've learned before that envy does a person more bad than good. I'd rather work my ass off to reach my dreams than spend a lifetime putting people down. My family used to get involved in verbal skirmishes with my next-door neighbors after they concocted evil plans against us, made fun of us and told lies about us. (If you're reading this Kat, it's the same family who placed sacks filled with sand to divide our side of the street from theirs like we were in a war zone). We're so over that now. I guess we also frightened them after we sent the barangay captain a letter asking for their affidavit in light of a case we plan to file against that vicious woman. My dad has grown tired of arguing with them. We just let them be (not unless that old bat screams at my dad or lola again) like how we simply watch and simmer over the ZTE scandal hearings. The world is full of evil judging by the presence of a good liar like Abalos. He reminds me so much of my neighbors since they hold positions in our homeowner's association. Grabe, pag sobra talaga ang greed ng isang tao. Kakalimutan ang lahat kahit dangal basta makakuha ng maraming pera. I am glad though that there are still people like Jun Lozada who in the end would prefer to tell the truth and keep the last few shreds of dignity that he has. I am glad as well that I have parents who believe that it is more important to be humble, kind, honest and generous than to be rich. You live your life similar to how your parents lived theirs, pruning the bad experiences and mistakes to lead a better life. I am blessed to have been taught that having self-respect is more important than driving a luxury car or having a huge house. I can always keep my head up high while walking down the street because I know that my parents have never been 'jumpers'. A term we have coined for our evil neighbors who got caught by Meralco stealing electricity a few months after they got off a complaint we filed after the man of the house threatened to shoot me, my brothers, and our houseboy. Vengeance is mine saith the Lord. Sometimes, we still talk about how our neighbors tormented us over an abundant dinner of seafoods and vegetables. I am proud to belong in this family. A few years from now, I will make my parents proud to have me for a daughter as well.

feistylittle bitch
2:31 AM

Sunday, February 10, 2008

When Growing Up Is Fun

If a woman is sufficiently ambitious, determined and gifted - there is practically nothing she can't do. - Helen Lawrenson

I know I've grown up when I worry less and I appreciate things more. This is the best year ever. It's just the second month but I can feel it in my bones. Good things are right in my path just ripe and ready for me to pluck. Now, I know that being patient and being determined can bring you places.

I've always felt that I was not pushing myself to the limit when it comes to my talents or my abilities. I've always had this thing about not being the center of attention. I choose to shy away from compliments and when I was already working, responsibilities. I realized that I should stop from thinking that I can't do as well as some people. It is sometimes frustrating when you see some people who act like they know everything and they should be praised for every little task like nobody else could do it better. When in fact, the person right behind him or her can do it a hundred times better without thinking of the bragging rights he or she could get from it. Well, I am the opposite. I am scared of trying things out and doing things my way for fear that I will get criticized. But what is there to fear when you're young and you have the world opening its arms to you. I guess it's time for me to step up and show people that I am no bimbo. I am brimming with excitement. I feel like my spirit is jumping up and down, doing cartwheels while my body is sitting up straight in front of the computer. I used to be scared about making mistakes and getting laughed at. Not anymore. I will make mistakes and learn from them. I will let people laugh but bounce back higher than anybody else could. Someday, Pearl will be a much better person. When that time comes, I will have the last laugh.

***

they melted on the way home!

Augy and I had a fight a few days ago. It lasted for about three days. He dropped by my office to give me a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. A making up present. Wasn't that sweet? I am thankful to have him. He always considers my feelings and always listens to what I have to say (including the curses). We're growing together (not in size okay?) and learning things together. I am glad that we're more mature now. We talk a lot about every little thing that irks us and we spend a little of everyday chatting about mundane things. I've realized that communication is really important in a relationship. You shouldn't just talk about the really big, monumental events in your life. You also share stories and anecdotes that you had on a particular day. I love it when Augy and I laugh over the phone. I love it when I'm preparing for bed, snuggling under my blanket and then he calls to share a joke or two. It just makes me feel all fuzzy inside. Yes, our relationship doesn't have that kilig factor anymore but as Erika said you know that you love somebody when you can't imagine a day without him. You can't think of an instance when you don't want to patch things up because you know deep inside that you simply cannot let go of that person. That person is an important part of your life. You may not feel kilig when you see him but just thinking of him (even when he's not around) makes you feel happy. And that came from Erika. Can you imagine that?! Haha!

***

waiting for Augy

ready to munch on lunch

feistylittle bitch
1:45 AM

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Two-hour Reunion

How could you put into words the happiness that you feel after spending time with close friends? You simply can't. You just stare at the pictures and relive every moment. Two hours with three of my college buddies are not enough. Our dinner was punctuated with roaring laughter and juicy updates about old classmates and acquaintances. Things have changed in terms of how big we've grown in five years. Ace has a family of her own and is based in Hong Kong. She's the reason why we suddenly met up yesterday when it was scheduled for next month. She has to renew her visa so she has to leave for HK next week. Kat and I have different career paths to follow and Abbie still dreams of going on a date with Cyrus Baguio. Ace gave her an old classmate's contact number so she could write about restos for his newspaper section. I heard my name being mentioned. I'm supposed to be on a diet but if Abbie takes me on a food trip, I won't say no. Hehe! I'm still not keen on writing. Kat was suggesting that I moonlight but I'm not up to it for now. I brought Augy with me and when we left after dinner, he felt bad because he was enjoying his time.

We had a grand time playing pranks on Kat and Ace. Latecomers until now, they arrived more than an hour after the proposed time of the meeting. Abbie, Augy and I sat near Starbucks in Greenbelt 3. We were partially covered by some bushes and when we saw Kat pacing in front of the coffee shop, Augy called her and said that we were in Starbucks in Serendra. We could hear Kat's voice increase a pitch. Abbie described it as her whiny voice. Haha! We did the same thing to Ace. She almost went crazy thinking about all the messages we sent her about our meeting place. Nothing has changed in terms of being late huh?!

waiting for Kat and Ace

Kat and Ace (with her funny expression)

Abbie said she missed my hips!

we ordered more than we could eat in Ebun

*special thanks to Augy for the pictures

feistylittle bitch
11:11 AM