When Horrible Things Happen
On Wednesday night, Erika told me about the latest rape case she saw in Unang Hirit. It's the closest thing we have to getting wind of current events everyday after work when we're too harried to read newspapers. We usually look at the victims somewhat detached from their emotions. We sort of become mechanical after hearing and seeing a lot. But when you come so close to being violated yourself, you feel anger, fear and revulsion. Much like what they would have felt at those certain points in their lives. I've experienced being liked by men in their twenties and thirties when I was in the fifth grade, harassed by a weird man when i was in first year high school, stalked when I was in fourth year and other horrible things that would make moms bang their pans right at men's faces. I've always felt anger towards people who dared make passes at me. I never thought that at this age, somebody would still harass me at some point. I can stand stares, catcalls and other lewd comments but this one incident was too much. I left the house early last Thursday. I vowed to improve on my attendance which I can proudly say I was able to accomplish in the last two weeks. My tummy was acting up but I was determined to make it to work on time so I endured that pain and rode a jeepney to the bus stop. I flagged down an Erjohn and Almark bus which had a handful of passengers. I chose a seat in the middle seeing that there were no other passengers right behind me. I was delighted at the thought of taking a nap without anybody bothering me. I paid for my fare, took out the shimmery orange shawl my mom gave me and covered my chest and arms with it. I didn't mind if the conductor didn't give me my change right away because I was sure he would rouse me from sleep anyway. I slept well until we got to the toll gate. The conductor approached me to apologise about taking so long to give me my change. I told him it was okay and smiled sincerely. I can be nice too you know. I noticed this guy who was sitting across from the guy in front of me. He looked at me. I looked away suddenly feeling irritated. I could see him staring at me so I looked at him and what he was wearing. He had on a uniform like those worn by guys studying to be seamen or something. His pants weren't white like they were supposed to be. What a shame I thought. My lola would be horrified if Gem wore something in that murky shade. I looked away again. I contented myself with staring at the window. Then he asked me for the time just as the bus crossed the intersection in MIA road. Him: Miss, anong oras na?Me: 7pm. (in a somewhat snooty tone)Him: ....Pasay?Me: Ano? Saan na tayo? (looking baffled and irritated)Him: Baba tayo sa Pasay?Me: Ano?!I felt blood rising up to my head in annoyance. He looked as if he wanted to jump out of his seat and grab me. He was seemingly wiping the skin near his lower lip. I hated the look in his eyes. It didn't look right anymore from my point of view. For the first time since I was in fourth year high school, I felt fear. It was a situation that left me so nervous. He then said the words that made me panic.Him: May masasakyan ba tayo pag bumaba tayo sa Lawton?
He was different from the others I've encountered before. He wasn't contented with just stripping a girl naked with his eyes. Iba gusto niya gawin. I looked into his eyes and I knew it would be hard for me to fend him off. I wanted to jump right out of my skin. It somehow gave me enough courage to hold onto my stuff. He stood up and gathered his backpack and an instrument wrapped in thick white cardboard. He stood right in my path, in the space left for me to pass through from my seat and the armrest on it. He wanted to shove me into my seat or he wanted to squirm into the really tight space beside me. The man in front was startled by his suddent movements and took to looking at us. It was my chance to stand up, shove the maniac and run for it. The cardboard thingy fell to the floor and he was distracted. He picked it up just as I was pushing my way to a vacant seat in front. I wanted to text Augy but I knew he was asleep. I needed somebody who was near Libertad. I texted Brendo, my ex-seminarian friend and my supervisor, Ren. I told Brendo about the man, where I was and described what he was wearing just in case. I told Ren simply that there was a man harassing me and I felt scared. When the bus stopped in Libertad, I scurried out the door and jumped down the last step feeling a pain in my ankle which I ignored. I saw a bus bound for Ayala and I srambled inside praying that he wouldn't follow me. Everytime I saw somebody in white, I could feel my heart lurching up my throat. I felt myself shaking and I felt like shedding tears of relief. All I wanted to do at that time was go home and tell my mom and lola everything that happened. At 26, I suddenly turned into a little girl who needed a little courage and a bit of assurance that I was going to be okay. I was a bit shaky when I went to Watson's to buy some stuff. My friend, Chris noticed that I wasn't myself. Every one from my team expressed their concern at the thought of me getting harassed or worse being forcibly taken from that bus. I stopped myself from crying when I was talking to Augy on the phone.I can't take the bus ever thinking that I would be safe like before. Maybe that guy wasn't from Cavite. I remembered what a bus driver shouted at a suspicious-looking man he forced to get down from the bus one time on the way home. Hindi ka taga-rito no? Dito samin pag gumawa ka ng ganyan, di ka lalabas ng buhay. I usually feel braver when I'm in Cavite at the thought that anybody who touches me or hurts me in any way would be minced meat before he can escape. But that incident made me realize that it won't make things okay for my family if I were abducted or something. I'm the only daughter and I can only imagine my family's grief if anything happened to me so I would stick to my vow of fighting back if necessary or making sure I go home alive. Matira ang matibay. Sabi ko nga eh. Hindi ako ang tatakbo nang walang suot na tsinelas palabas ng Cavite. Never. 
Morning after that harrowing incident. Thankful to be safe.
***
On a happier note, Augy and I spent time together today. He bought me a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It made my day. It took away the terrifying memory of that Thursday night. Augy truly knows how to make me happy. That is why I didn't throw a tantrum this time.
Waiting for our pizza at Yellow Cab
