How OC are you?
I woke up happy today. Dizzy but happy. I've been having these killer headaches lately that the office nurse dismissed as migraine. So forgive me if I haven't been blogging. I can't stay up late during my rest days not unless I slept the whole day. Grabe, dumadami sakit ko.
Yesterday, I retired to bed even before my eyes started drooping because I'll meet Augy at Market! Market!. I was pretty excited to see him plus he'll bring the PS2 I bought for my brothers and the June issue of Marie Claire. The only magazine I collect. I was worried that I wouldn't get a copy because the July issue has come out. When he told me that he found a copy, I was so ecstatic. Just imagine my excitement at the thought of reading it in bed. I usually read it in my room so that I'll have enough space to avoid wrinkling the pages. I am so OC when it comes to my books and magazines. My room looks like a bodega because of my stash. I'm afraid I'm turning into a hoarder. Who cares? I'm happy with the way it is. So back to the Market! Market! episode. I was in Watson's when Augy told me that his boss borrowed my magazine. I almost fainted. I couldn't breathe with the thought that somebody had first dibs on my magazine. I don't want to read a magazine that people already flipped into, wrinkled and folded. Would you like it if somebody got into the crisp pages of your book or magazine before you do? Lupaypay na by the time na basahin ko? Where's the fun in that? Reading a magazine or a book is more than actually absorbing the words. I get a wonderful experience out of imagining how it is to get the book fresh from the publishing house. Parang pandesal fresh from the bakery. Mas masarap pag mainit at mabango di ba? Malamang ayoko singhutin ng iba yun before ko kainin. Ganun din sa reading materials. Ayoko na may daan na ng kamay ng ibang tao before ko basahin. I already got robbed of the enjoyment. Remember what I wrote last April in the 10 weird things about me?
4. I used to smell Nancy Drew books while reading them. I place the books close to my nose and sniff. I'd look at the words I find interesting and read them several times until I feel like I've absorbed them all.
8. I choose the people to whom I will lend my favorite books. I hate crumpled pages, I hate it when somebody opens the books too much to the point that it leaves a damage on the spine. Parang pang display ba books mo? Hehe.
I wanted to raise hell inside the mall. We went to the National Bookstore and Mercury Drug but there were no more copies of the June issue. I wanted to cry. I don't cry in the presence of other people because I don't want to be called a crybaby or be accused of being childish. But today was different. I didn't care anymore. I am not selfish. I am not a brat. Maingat lang ako sa gamit. Ganun kababaw ang kaligayahan ko. Super saya ko na pag nagbabasa ako tapos bagong-bago pa. So Augy went looking for a copy in the mall while I sat near Bossini and YRYS wanting to slaughter people. When he couldn't find one, we went to Glorietta. We found a copy that I later found out has wrinkles and folds in it. Super soft na ng pages. Siguro binasa na ng iba tapos binalot ulit para mabenta pa. I have it in my bedroom under the piles of my other magazines. I don't want to see it because my temper will just flare up. Sa sobrang sama ng loob ko, I cried buckets of tears while Gem tinkered with the computer outside and Kit played with the PS2. Augy told me that his boss returned the magazine already. I don't care about it. You probably have this thing about not getting less than what you deserve. Same with me. Ang babaw na nga ng kaligayahan ko tapos pinagkait pa sa akin. Magiging happy ba kayo pag ganun? Okay lang ba sa inyo na inasam-asam niyong magrelax sa Starbucks pagkatapos ng stressful day at naiimagine niyo na humihigop kayo ng kape sa favorite corner niyo sabay dumating ang isang kaibigan niyo na naunang pang tumikim ng kape mo? Oo, friend mo. Pero you got robbed of that beautiful moment whern you can smell the coffee and sip it slowly. Kaya nga masarap tumambay sa Starbucks eh. Kasama sa experience yung mismong place, smell and ambience. Puwede ka namang magtimpla ng Great Taste sa bahay pero ibang experience yun. Puwede naman akong humiram ng magazine sa ibang tao kung gusto ko lang basahin. Iba kasi yung pag-aalaga ng bookworm tapos OC sa reading materials dun sa ordinaryong nagbabasa lang. May pagmamahal at pag-aalaga ang super mahilig sa books. Isipin mo na lang ang reaction ng comic book collector kung nilukot mo ang pinagkakaingatan niyang comic book. Iba kasi pag crisp yung pages, sarap basahin. I have to admit na mainit ang ulo ko ngayon. Ayoko nga maisip ang disappointment kasi naiiyak ako. Kaya ayoko umasa kahit kailan sa iba kasi nahihirapan ako mag-get over sa disappointment. Sigh. Bakit ganun? Ang simple na lang ng kaligayahan ko hirap pa ako makuha. I don't care if people would think I'm a brat. Sila magbasa ng magazine na mukhang trash kung gusto nila. I will never settle for anything less than what I deserve. After all, I think the same way about other people. Kaya nga may Golden Rule.
