Road to Anorexia
"I'd rather be a few pounds heavier and enjoy life than be worried all the time." -Drew Barrymore
I should put this into heart really before I drive myself crazy or worse kill myself with malnutrition. Apples are nutritious because they're
full of fiber and they won't make one fat, but after a few months of biting and munching on them twice daily, they end up tasting like cardboard. Not that I've tried chewing on cardboard like that anorexic girl who stuffed herself with pieces of paper. I just feel guilty eating large amounts of food. I don't remember when I've last eaten a burger. What a pity. The only thing I subject myself to is an order of large fries from McDonald's once or twice a week. I eat a few tablepoons of rice daily- enough to please my lola. Gem said I got my gastritis from my pathetic diet. Sheer torture. When I order beef siomai from Chowking, I drizzle soy sauce on it and squeeze the calamansi then sniff on the chili sauce. Yes, I sniff a lot because I can't eat it anymore. Sniffing is the closest thing to tasting it. I love spicy food. I can live in India or Bicol. I will just have to endure pain if I want to risk it.
So what's with dieting anyway? I guess it doesn't have to do with self-esteem. I have no problems with that. I just have this fear of gaining weight because of all the pains I've gone through to lose some bits here and there. The worst part is I love eating. I indulge now and then. When I'm with Augy, I eat anything. I treat myself to a cup of rice, sisig, chocolate cream frappe, ice cream and whatever I can get my hands into. Yesterday, I had fresh lumpia for lunch at Max's. I was happy ang sluggish after the meal. Last week, I ate cake, lasagna and carbonara. My birthday gave me license to chew and chew and chew. If only I don't gain weight like some people then I could eat as much as I want. If only I listened to my lola when I was a kid to eat a lot, eat as much as I wanted. I would have stuffed my face with pasta, sweets, rice and lots of meat until my tummy hurt. This must be punishment for being stubborn years ago. Yes, lola. You were right. Sigh.
