beauty inside and out.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Sudden Twists

The clock is ticking and there are only a few minutes left before midnight. I've just finished copying down Augy's text messages on a notebook I got for free during training, gulping down a tumbler filled with warm Nestea and twirling around the living room wearing a green Nine West knitted blouse that my mom gave me. I am amazed at how rapidly things could change. Sometimes with a snap of a finger, life takes a sudden turn and you find yourself scrambling for cover amidst the chaos and the confusion. One night is not enough for my stories. It has been one full month since I stopped blogging. It feels like going on a carefree, relaxing vacation though the past events cannot be compared to a sweet, longed for respite from the stressful life I live.

Last month, I endured not having internet connection at home. There wasn't even a bloody dial tone when I pick up the phone. When it came back, I was only able to use it for one day before it started buzzing like bees in chorus. I felt the urge to pull out every single strand of my hair specially after my mom informed me in a matter of fact tone that she reported our problems to PLDT's Dasma office and she was informed to contact the Makati office where she was advised that they will make a repair ticket for it. My brothers and I wanted to raise hell because the last time we heard PLDT utter 'repair ticket', it took an eternity for the phone line to get fixed. A month is considered an eternity in a household with two easily bored teenage boys who flit from one interest to another.

A habit I acquired because of that PLDT problem is picking up the phone everytime I get home from work and listening for a 'normal' dial tone. I have crossed my fingers and uttered hasty prayers so many times that it drove me mad until I gave it up. After ignoring the phone's existence for so long, I decided to take one more risk three weeks ago and cradled the receiver on one ear while I dumped my stuff on the living room floor so I could listen intently. I shrieked with joy when I heard the 'normal' dial tone instead of an irritating buzz. I quickly ran to my room, shed my work clothes and washed my face before settling on the swivel chair and connecting into the internet. I was brimming with excitement. Like a teapot when the water's boiling hot.

My fingers typed the Friendster URL in a jiffy while I eagerly anticipated to finally view my profile after weeks of deprivation.

Invalid email address.

I blinked my eyes countless times. I must have been dreaming. I know my email address by heart. Let me type in my password.

Invalid email address and password. By then, my heart was drumming wildly like it was ready to jump out of my chest. I felt like I needed a triple bypass operation at the age of 25.

I felt the tears forming in my eyes. It couldn't be. I waited for the palpitations. There was none. Thank heavens. I could feel dread making my stomach rumble. I typed in Gladee's email address and password and I was miraculously able to log in which gave me a little relief. I checked her list of testimonials and my account was missing. Zero. Nada. Zilch.

Warm, fat tears were rolling down my cheeks as I logged out of Friendster and logged into my Blogger account. Same thing. Invalid information. My hands were shaking uncontrollably. I reached for my cellphone and dialed Augy's number. I started bawling like a baby. He tried to calm me down like he would one of his panicky agents which I could say can be compared to a drill sergeant barking commands out loud. How can I be cool, calm and collected when my precious blog has been deleted by some SOB?! My mind drifted to all the beautiful memories carefully written, the emotions I strongly conveyed through words (which I find hard to do sometimes) and the photos I lovingly picked out of the hundreds I have stored in my phone's memory card.

I choked out little sobs as I gave all the email addresses and passwords I used for my account. I found it hard to talk clearly when I was drowning in sorrow at the loss of all the posts I wrote for more than a year. I grieved not for the words because I knew I could always write. I mourned for the wonderful memories contained in that little space I fondly treated as my own chest of delightful treasures. I learned to let go of the fear of having some people read my writing. That is in itself a treasure I cannot dig out anywhere else.

I wouldn't have felt any twinge of pain if I made that blog all by myself. KatKat searched for that violet skin and decided that it was perfect for my personality. She was the one who did the basics for me which until now I find difficult to comprehend by myself. Carlo volunteered to do some tweaking with my blog while I was conversing with him through IM in the office when I was still in Xbox. My blog took form out of the efforts of my sweet and selfless friends because I was and I still am utterly clueless about technical stuff.

So along with my desperate attempts at writing, my friends' labor of love went kaput. Somebody who is sick beyond comprehension had a few moments of enjoyment making them vanish into thin air. I whined, I vented and I sniffed for a few minutes then snapped out of it. Sure, those were very long posts detailing everything I did, ate, felt and thought for so many months, but I can always look back at those memories and continue writing. As I've told a friend, that person may be good at deleting other people's accounts because he knows nothing else.

I will not be surprised if I find this blog gone by tomorrow too so I decided to save all my files. One mistake is enough. I've learned a valuable lesson that my mom has long drilled into my mind. Mother knows best. No arguments there.

Augy told me that his brother, Arvil can always help me if I want to concoct my own evil plan to make the culprit suffer. I just have to retrieve some information to uncover his identity and we can go from there. I decided not to. Standing up and brushing off the dirt after you took a great pounding to the ground is the best revenge. I quote a college friend, "Karma is a bitch." So this bitch will keep her claws hidden until the second time.

I remember an interview I read in a magazine wherein Lucy Torres-Gomez said that having an unknown enemy is the worst thing. You'll never know whom to hate and you'll never know what to expect. You just have to be prepared for anything that can happen once you make that sudden turn in your life. Now if only I can be as pretty and classy as her. I wouldn't mind having somebody envy me so much until it actually turns into cold hatred. I love reading her column by the way. I check The Star's website just to read her writing.

***

As devastated as I felt two weeks ago, I could only feel sheer rapture right after.

I dropped by Market! Market! last Wednesday as soon as I got off from work. I hailed a cab in Gil Puyat Avenue before the sun could bathe the whole city with sweltering heat. Coincidentally, Iryn called me before I took a few steps outside the Exportbank Plaza to tell me that she'll wait for a few minutes before going home so we could see each other.

The last time I saw her was in June. We had breakfast in Heaven n' Eggs with Augy before my scary bout with palpitations and annoying trips to the hospital. The last time I saw Augy was in September when we were painstakingly picking up the pieces of our relationship. We're making extra efforts to make everything fine and dandy like it should be in the time of Pizza Company dinners and Starbucks coffee excursions.

I jumped out of the cab with its slowpoke driver behind the wheel grinning at me and scurried to the mall entrance. Iryn was standing with Grace near McDonald's and I barely recognized her from where I was standing what with my poor eyesight. I only noticed her dainty frame clad in pink when she waved at me. I wanted to chuckle at the sight of her and Grace in pink. I love pink and it was amusing that they unknowingly picked the same color before going to work. I was wearing a lacy yellow top with a white camisole underneath. Championship hangover. Viva Santo Tomas!

Grace bade us goodbye and we settled in one of the tiled round seats near the fastfood after shooing a filthy cockroach away. We started on our endless chattering as workers from Serendra passed by attempting to be cute and coming out as annoying. I feigned nonchalance while Iryn smirked and glared. Now we know who the hothead is. We went on catching up on each other's lives, ranting about people we both know, laughing at amusing anecdotes from work and sharing juicy gossip.

I answered a brief call from Augy asking me to go straight to Heaven n' Eggs so Iryn and I dusted our round butts and took a short walk to the other side of the mall. The waiter was just placing tables and chairs outside and they had the CLOSED sign tacked on the glass door when we plopped down on a comfortable spot. The next thing I knew, two menus were placed right under our noses and I ended up leafing through one while listening to Iryn's stories about the people in Xbox.

I am supposed to be on a strict soup-crackers-pasta-diet, but my mouth watered at the sight of food. I could only gulp as I imagined Heaven n' Eggs' heaping servings of gastronomic delights beautifully dumped on a plate right in front of me. As soon as Iryn left for home and Augy sat beside me, I asked him if we could eat breakfast first. It was adobo flakes for him served with fried rice and sunny-side up and it was Vigan longganiza for me with scrambled eggs. The rice on my plate was the same amount of rice I eat for a week just to appease my lola. Goodness! I felt fat just looking at the delicious food. The fear of gaining weight left me though as I sliced my longganiza into tiny pieces and dunked them in ketchup. I dribbled ketchup on the scrambled eggs and begged for adobo flakes from Augy who was more than happy to get a share of my rice.

After months of bickering, I felt blissful sitting beside the man who never fails to make me laugh. I cannot imagine myself being with anybody else. I admit that being almost of the same temperament, we used to quarrel a lot. If he was being stubborn, I'd start sprouting horns and a calm, decent conversation would turn into one than involves verbal daggers. Despite that, I simply cannot contain myself from missing him and I decided to forget our previous fights and just make up. Like I told Gladz over frappuccino in Starbucks, I consider Augy as the smartest guy I ever dated. Growing old with him will be one hell of a ride because I am certain I will never know boredom nor feel the aches and pains of old age.

One sweet thing that he surprised me with on that day was introducing me to his mom. We went to her office in Arnaiz Avenue after spending a whole day together. I didn't feel nervous because I've been listening to him tell me how wonderfully nice his mom is. When a guy worships his mother and adores her so, it's a good sign. She won't reduce a future daughter-in-law to tears.

I caught a glimpse of her talking on the phone as soon as Augy ushered me into the entrance. She was standing in the reception area engrossed in an animated conversation. She looked sexy in a pink collared halter top. I sucked my tummy in. When your boyfriend introduces you to his mother who looks like she works out daily, you have to try your hardest to look great. Nevermind if it entails killing yourself in the process.

She approached us and Augy quickly introduced me. A shy little greeting escaped from my lips and I smiled my sweetest, most innocent-looking smile. I prayed that I didn't look like trash after walking under a light drizzle outside. Future mommy-in-law introduced us to her clients and to her consultants who were as fit as she is before we sat on one of the benches. She walked into a room, spoke to three clients before walking out to talk to us again. Augy told her that I needed to go home to Cavite so we couldn't dally for a few minutes more. She walked us to the exit and we said goodbye.

As I made my way to the door, I heard her say, "Ang sexy pala ng future daughter-in-law ko."

I just love my future mommy-in-law. She's articulate, bubbly and genuinely nice. And I am sure that she will never question my future shopping sprees because I'll see her in the mall doing her own shopping too. Meeting Augy's mom left me with a warm, fuzzy feeling inside and happiness just bubbled within me. It's funny how things can make a sudden twist from being engulfed with sadness to being enveloped by intense joy.

***

It was payday two days ago and I spent yesterday morning in Starbucks with my officemates. We walked a block from the office to the coffeeshop and I hated tiptoeing around in my pointed stilettos. I have lots of them stored under my bed in their unopened boxes waiting to crumble in oblivion. Better that than my feet suffering from the pain of being fashionable.

I felt tired and sleepy after a night of work that I made my way to the counter, ordered a chicken empanada and sat outside with Erika and Gianne in ten minutes tops. My friends and I spent three hours laughing and gossiping before taking the bus home. I got home an hour before lunch and I went straight to bed since I planned to go shopping with my lola in the afternoon.

I woke up at half past three, ate a late lunch and took a quick bath before dressing up and ushering my lola out the door. Kit sent me a message asking me to text him once we get to the mall. My brother was being so sweet because he cajoled me to buy him a pair of sandals before I went to sleep earlier. He was probably scared that I would change my mind as women are wont to do. I won't really. I spoil my brothers rotten. I never learned to say no to them.

I ended up purchasing the yellow blouse I've been eyeing since the UAAP championship, a moss green off shoulder blouse and tank tops in red and white while waiting for Kit and his buddy, Aaron to arrive. My lola and I made our way to the ground floor where we planned to sit, but I got tempted to enter a shop where I bought two haircare products and a bar of tea tree soap. One can never have enough soap. I have four different bars of soap I use for my baths aside from the exfoliating body wash and facial scrub that I cannot live without. I now have four haircare products to lather and rinse on my hair. I expect bath time to stretch from the usual 20 minutes to a full 30 minutes. We are not counting the beauty products I apply on my face. The bane of being obsessed with beauty products is spending for all of them with your own moolah. Thinking of all the gunk and goo I have in my dresser and their costs makes me wish I never learned the meaning of the word vanity. Narcissus must have saved a lot of time and effort when he turned into a flower. I, in turn will be a high-maintenance thing of beauty. Gardener, fertilizers and special soil please. Pronto!

By the time Kit and Aaron arrived, I have spent way over my budget. We headed straight to the department store where my lola bought him and Gem some shirts and then we went to a sports shop where I paid for the sandals that he coveted.

Ate, Havaianas na lang. Meron sa taas. Or yung leather sandals for 1, 800.

I shook my head no. It was a firm answer. I already gave him money to buy a silver bracelet and I paid for his sandals. He also asked me to buy him a sports jacket like what my mom bought Gem a few months ago. I promised to give him that for Christmas. Now I wonder who the real shopaholic is in the family.

I can't wait for the holidays. I told my aunt that I would treat the whole family to a day in Enchanted Kingdom. Quincy's a precocious (bitchy) four-year-old and Jeoff is a well-behaved boy of one. They'll get to appreciate the rides and the fireworks now compared to last year. It will be a toss between that or a trip to the beach as my dad proposed. I am yearning for a trip to Boracay though like the one they took without me last year. I have Xydia's December wedding in Hong Kong to worry about too. It would be impossible for me to file for leave. Grr... I cannot attend a close friend's wedding. What could be worse than that?! Oh well. I am not about to fret though. I am in my happiest of moods lately.

feistylittle bitch
12:22 AM